Well lets make this into a little blog session thing.
So pretty much everything is pretty monotonous, trust me my village is damn small and damn boring.
Overall i had some traumatic experiences during the summer that led to some trace of depression, fantastic ain’t it?
A good friend of mine went through sex violation and practically broke my heart when i found out. Though it i a little bit if-y because she cuts a lot of it out, but it could be due to shock or some type of repression.  She is doing better since the last time i have spoken with her. But i worry,  she was never very stable to being with. Only thing to do is be there if she need me.
my personality is just a dull empty shell of an impersonation of what it once was. I feel like i kinda lost myself. Well u would not know cuz u don’t know me but follow along in my ranting.

Have u ever felt like there is a ‘certain image’ you have to maintain to everyone, if you some how break from that mold everyone that u kept that image for are
1. thrown off and avoid you
2. thrown off and repudiate you with this like “are u on ur period?” yeah you know what i am talking about (well people of my generation will, i think)
or 3. just ignore it
and by rare chance 4. actually ask you what is wrong.
So yeah this “new me” is just not a cheerful and mrs.sunshine a it use to be, i am actually pretty tired in keeping that image
i ended up kinda isolating myself which had some ups and lot of downs
So alot of the time i get waves of loneliness which really never happened, i usually liked my “me time”

Plus pervios/over arc-hinging relationship issue have been bugging me. Well not bugging that ain’t the word i want, more like they come across my mind a lot more. A lot of the “what if questions.”
So a pervious chapter of my life minus everything in the summer (cuz that’ a different chapter so to say) I had a somewhat stable relationship
But in the end i fucked it up cuz i was just…well me
yeah doesn’t really explain much but yeah
An overview is that at that time me personally me and my parent were not getting along and it got sorta violent and it was taking a toll on me.
Me just being me kinda didn’t want this innocent dude who just entered “my world” to experience that
neither did i want him to lose that image that he held so high for me to get tainted. Plus other things like i hardly had time for him anymore, my academics took most of my time made me feel like it wasn’t fair for him.
Having a gf that can blow up any minute that doesn’t have time for u= no good Ha
It’s weird I know but that’s really the only way i can explain it
In conclusion i didn’t think he could Handle a person as “issued as me” i felt like a burden to him if i just poured all my feelings/ problems to him. I didn’t want to bring him down, so i ended it.
But again like an idiot broke it off with alot of cliff hangers.
Personally because i didn’t want to cry/ burst out in front so i tried to do it quickly (yes i am idiot okay, i got it)
I find crying so degrading and hardly cry in front of people= in the long run pretty bad
thing on my mind that i wish i could have done
1. Actually be able to talk to him
2. or at least tell him clearly why it wasn’t working
But i look at where i am now and things are worse then when they were before, so i feel good in that i saved him from all of that
All i wanted to do was protect him, so he didn’t need to get hurt
and i wish i could say that i stand by in what i did, but i can’t
I’m human i ain’t perfect, but i tried
I kinda wanna clear it up but i feel like it’s too late, plus he may have his own issue and problems he is going through.

I wish him luck on his life and good fortune and maybe a 2nd chance, so to say, But that’s a bit selfish and unfair.

In my world their is really one person that i live for now, she is the only person that has been able to understand me.
I don’t think she realizes how much she means to me and how much she has and is helping me. I thank her for being in my life cuz without her i really don’t where i would be.

This is kinda a tangent from everything else so continue to bear with me, if u have not still lost interest in this person’ tale.
Have u ever had times where u decided to listen to ur ipod and stated to listen to a song (follow me on this i have a point, i promise)
So your there siting and listening, but like really listening cuz it is just you and that song, so you close ur eye and ur one with the beat of; one with the singer of it. Then you start to pay attention to the lyrics. Then you start to make connections to it and are all like “yeah that is exactly how I feel/think” . So now u have this song about a person in a similar situation as you and it like BOOM! all the feelings that u were retaining hit u like a brick wall!
Yeah that’s been happening alot, kinda tells you a little bit about my playlist

I really ain’t complaining, or well i am trying not to, it’s more of ranting on and on. Cause i know somewhere out in the world there is another soul that is much more worse off then me
I am pretty grateful in what i have and I am grateful for everyone in my life
so a message for me to you and for every one is

“Heads up high and keep moving foreword”

Photography / Macro / Objects    ©2010 ~jpguitar02

“With this, I unlock everything

but sometimes it is easier to turn a blind eye

to hidden secrets –that lie”

support my other site too please and thank you

©2010 ~jpguitar02

trying to update as fast as possible D: this site is still very behind :/

This is actually from a photoshoot  I did with a corsage I had gotten. I took about a hundred shots of these with different angles, backdrops, lighting and positions. Ended up really like this one in particular. Plus I didn’t want to bombard this site with a million pictures of the same thing so I’ll just post one.

hopefully in the nearby future I will be able to work with some volunteer models. Wish me luck

©2010 ~jpguitar02

I’ll try and upload a picture per post

Yeah I haven’t updated my blog in awhile so it is a bit behind my deviant art. Hopefully I’ll be able to post everything here too so they can be on the same track.

Borrowed a friends macro lens

The rules are a must.

One gives their bet

And starts the threat.

For the player are set,

To spin the roulette.

The Game proceeds

and it tend to mislead.

Please take this heed,

For it’s hard to concede.

This Game of grieve

Is hard to leave.

But don’t be naive

And be deceived.

And don’t believe

That man you see.

For he will be

The man that fleas

And leaves you here

With things unclear.

He openly lied

For you to confide              (in him)

The secrets you hide

And you complied.

You stopped the roulette

And payed your debt.

Now here we’re left

Left disgusted

Now mistrusting

This Game of trusting

interpretation: is open to anything……

Finally have Photoshop

So if you aren’t aware of what photoshop is….the best way i can explain it is layering and photo manipulations

Not good enough of a definition?…..let’s try again…Photo-shop…

is a graphics editing program developed and published by Adobe Systems. It is the current market leader for commercial bitmap and image manipulation software, and is the flagship product of Adobe Systems. It has been described as “an industry standard for graphics professionals”

(from your friends at Wikipedia)

So in here I  layered the image with 2  textures which if u click the photo in the description thing (on deviant art) will link u to the textures. Then with some brushes and some time I managed to get this. On the bottom one i just used one texture overlay.  I have been noticing that i tend to do “dark/grunge” like photography, which I totally don’t mind. In some ways I can be “dark” and speaking of dark,  i am excited for Tim burtons new movie .

To wrap this whole blog,  I have my own way of viewing the world and through my camera lens I will give u a taste of my world …..hopefully u will enjoy the ride.

Interpretation…….open to anything

You either “get it…or u don’t… or u don’t care”

Listening to: hero by skillet

P.S (if u are wondering what the name of the images are just put ur mouse over the images.) (and yeah i give up on proper English  hahah)

sorry i haven’t been posting stuff: so yeah these are my two resent shots I hope u like them

I feel that i have grown so much in my photography!

Please support my deviant art . (links on the photos)

The kind of shit I go through.

The kind of things that make me wallow,

The kind of shit that is hard to swallow.

Been alone too long in my sorrow.

Been trying to make an attempt to vent

But all you hear is the lies I invent.

All I do is try and be real

But I don’t want you to see the pain I feel.

The kind of feelings I resent,

The kind of shit I can’t prevent

You say you wanna know me

But I just can’t agree

With your attempt to help me.

You just don’t understand

What it is like to be me.

I just can’t admit the situation I am in.

The kind of shit that goes under your skin,

The kind of things that make your mind spin.

These days just seem to get harder.

With empty thoughts and empty smiles.

Maybe it is just life’s trial,

These hardships that go on for miles.

I’m just so sick of the things I am in,

This reminiscing should just be a sin.

I just wish you knew

The kind of shit I go through,

The kind of shit I can’t tell you.

I just don’t care anymore if I let you down

Cause I am to lost to be found.

I know that u may have it harder.

Theses times are difficult, I know.

These kind of thing that make you woe

I hope things get better for you

But I don’t know what you go through.

Like you don’t know what I go through.

Model: myself

“silence”

“All I want is silence…..to get lost in the darkness and quietness”

Unafraid to show the dark side of art, breaking boundaries everyday